Stress, the Body, and our Brains

Stress can enter our daily lives like an uninvited guest, shifting our rhythms and plans without warning. That unwanted guest can cloud our thoughts, knot our muscles, and accelerate our hearts - all while refusing to stock the pantry before heading back home. Paradoxically, stress is both a survival mechanism and a sculptor, reshaping the architecture of the brain and the rhythms of the body in ways that science is still trying to understand.

In its acute form, stress serves us by igniting a biological spark that fuels action. The “fight-or-flight” response, driven by adrenaline and cortisol, has safeguarded humans for generations, preparing us to face immediate threats. These physical reactions - rapid heartbeats, tense muscles, heightened focus - were essential for humanity’s survival. They allowed our ancestors to flee predators, confront danger with clarity and strength, or even “freeze” in what seems to be an adapted behavior to avoid being seen. 

But in modern life, where threats often take intangible forms like deadlines, financial pressures, or uncertainty, this same survival mechanism becomes a constant hum in the background of our psyche. And you guessed it, the “switch” is not supposed to be left on.  When left on, the body struggles to distinguish between temporary stress and chronic strain, leaving us in a prolonged state of threat analysis.

This “chronic stress” leaves its mark, both visible and invisible. The hippocampus - the brain’s hub for memory and learning -  begins to shrink under the weight of prolonged cortisol exposure. Sleep becomes elusive, emotions harder to regulate, and focus harder to maintain. Our immune systems weaken, leaving us more vulnerable to illness or autoimmune disorders. It is important to know that stress isn’t just an experience happening on a cognitive level - it’s a state that has a significant impact on every system in the body. And in its prolonged state, every system experiences disruption for the duration, and in the wake of, the stressor. 

Yet, there is hope! The brain is not static and neither are our body’s systems. Neuroplasticity - the brain’s capacity to adapt and rewire - reminds us that transformation is possible. With intentional practices, we can soften stress’s impact and actually foster resilience. Viktor Frankl said it best: “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Stress and “Finding the Pause”

I often tell my clients that we have to find “the red flags.”  To find the red flags, we first have to understand the difference between feelings and emotions.  Feelings happen in the body (chest tightness, stomach turning, vision narrowing, shortness of breath, tightness in muscles..etc), and emotions happen downstream of feelings.  These “red flag” feelings become a physical cue to move toward coping, and my most recommended coping mechanism is “finding the pause.”  Simply recognizing the stress response can create this pause, and now we have some agency.  With agency, we can access more advanced coping techniques and among the simplest and most profound tools is the breath. Slow, intentional breathing signals the nervous system to shift from fight-or-flight into a state of calm, offering us further clarity as our body reassesses whether the situation warrants the response. 

I once worked with a client, an educator, whose stress response commonly felt unrelenting. Together, we practiced diaphragmatic breathing: one hand on her chest, the other on her abdomen, as she drew deep, intentional breaths. Over time, this practice became her anchor, a way to steady herself when the stress of the classroom, assessments, and administrative metrics threatened to overwhelm. Once the systems were calmed, she was able to both validate and confront the situations causing the stress. 

Breathing is just one way to promote de-escalation. Techniques like progressive muscle relaxation, where tension is released systematically from head to toe, or 5-4-3-2-1 grounding, where we use the five senses to show our brain that we are not in immediate physical danger. Even a quick walk outdoors, where we intentionally focus on the sights, sounds, and sensations around us, can bring further clarity..

In those moments of pause, we regain agency. We slowly move away from blind reactions to stress and begin to assess our situations more thoughtfully. As Henry David Thoreau once said, “It is not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” In choosing, we see beyond the immediate to a broader perspective, allowing us to navigate challenges with greater mental fortitude.

Stress and Self-Compassion

In the face of stress, our inner dialogue often becomes our harshest critic. We berate ourselves for feeling overwhelmed, compare our struggles to others, or demand we “push through” without acknowledging the weight we carry. Ironically, this self-imposed pressure only deepens the impact of stress, leaving us drained and disconnected from the support we need most - our own kindness.

Self-compassion is not indulgence; it’s an act of care meant to move us towards our potential. It invites us to pause, acknowledge our feelings, and respond with gentleness rather than criticism. This practice doesn’t ignore the reality of stress; instead, it reframes it, recognizing that suffering is part of the shared human experience. When we approach ourselves with the same empathy we would offer a loved one, we create space for healing and growth.

Research by Dr. Kristin Neff has shown that self-compassion reduces cortisol levels, helping to calm the body and mind in moments of overwhelm. It also fosters resilience by improving emotional regulation and helping us move through challenges with greater clarity. A client of mine once described how stress made her feel like a failure, caught in an unrelenting cycle of self-judgment. Together, we worked on reshaping her inner dialogue, replacing blame with understanding. She began to see her stress not as a personal flaw but as a natural response to her circumstances—a signal that her needs were calling for attention.

This shift was profound. She discovered that self-compassion wasn’t about avoiding stress but about meeting it differently—acknowledging her limitations while also honoring her strengths. Over time, she developed a habit of checking in with herself during difficult moments, asking, “What do I need right now?” Whether the answer was rest, connection, or simply a moment to breathe, she found that this intentional kindness softened the edges of stress, making it more manageable.

Self-compassion shifts the narrative. It reminds us that struggling under stress does not diminish our worth but reinforces our humanity. By treating ourselves with patience and care, we learn to see stress not as an enemy but as an opportunity to reconnect with ourselves. In this practice, we soften the sting of overwhelm and make room for resilience to emerge.

Stress and Growth

Stress, for all its challenges, holds the potential for transformation. It forces us to pause, reflect, and realign with what truly matters. When we meet stress with awareness and intention, it becomes a teacher - offering lessons in strength, growth, and adaptability.

This journey is not instantaneous. It is the work of a lifetime, an ongoing process of facing life’s uncertainties with curiosity. But in embracing this process, we unlock resilience - the ability not just to survive but to thrive.

A client once shared a story of rediscovering resilience after a series of personal and professional setbacks. At first, stress seemed to strip away her confidence, leaving her questioning her ability to move forward. But in reflection, she saw these challenges as opportunities to reassess her path and reconnect with her values. Over time, she rebuilt, not by ignoring the difficulties but by facing them with intentionality.

As I reflect, one truth is clear: stress reveals both our vulnerabilities and our strengths. It challenges us but also offers opportunities for growth. And in meeting it with intention and care, we discover the profound possibility of a life not diminished by stress, but deepened by it.

Journal Exercise: 

Reflect on a recent moment when you felt overwhelmed by stress. What were the circumstances, and how did your body and mind respond? Take a few minutes to explore how you treated yourself during that time—were you harsh, dismissive, or compassionate? Now, think about what you learned from overcoming that situation. How did it shape your understanding of your strengths, needs, or limits? Finally, consider how you might approach similar stressors in the future with greater kindness and intention. Use this reflection to explore how self-compassion and personal growth can transform your experience of stress.

Citations

1. Frankl, Viktor E. Man’s Search for Meaning. Boston: Beacon Press, 1959.
2. Rumi. The Essential Rumi. Translated by Coleman Barks, HarperOne, 1995.
3. Neff, K. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow.
4. Neff, K. D. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101. 

Suggested Reading

• Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers by Robert Sapolsky
• Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn
• The Upside of Stress by Kelly McGonigal
• The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown
• Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl