Recognizing the Desire for Purpose

The search for purpose is a defining part of what it means to be human. It’s not just reserved for moments of existential crisis but shows up in the questioning of our daily lives. We long to know that what we do and who we are matters, whether it’s in the context of our work, relationships, or the spaces in between. Purpose is not simply a grand, overarching mission—it’s the alignment of our actions with our values, a way of living that feels authentic and intentional.

Rollo May, a personal favorite of mine, spoke of purpose as a force that gives life direction, countering feelings of aimlessness or stagnation. He observed, “The opposite of courage in our society is not cowardice; it is conformity.” In other words, finding purpose often requires stepping away from societal expectations and asking ourselves what truly resonates within us. This is no small task. The modern world is filled with distractions and pressures that can cloud our sense of what’s meaningful, leaving us feeling disconnected from ourselves and our potential.

Purpose isn’t just about the big picture; it’s about how we choose to engage with everyday life. Even in moments of uncertainty or transition, the search for purpose is a grounding force. When we approach this search with curiosity rather than pressure, it becomes less about finding a singular answer and more about exploring what brings vitality and meaning to our lives.

Aligning Actions with Values

A purposeful life begins with clarity about values. Values are the principles that guide us, the markers of what we hold most dear. They act as a compass, helping us navigate decisions and actions in ways that feel true to who we are. Yet, many of us struggle to identify our values because they are often shaped by external influences—family expectations, cultural norms, or societal pressures.

To cultivate purpose, we must ask ourselves, “What do I truly value?” This requires reflection and honesty. It might mean acknowledging that the things we’ve prioritized—whether professional success, material possessions, or social approval—don’t necessarily align with our deeper principles. This realization can be uncomfortable, but it’s also liberating.

Irvin Yalom emphasized the importance of aligning actions with values in creating a purposeful life. He wrote, “The question is not whether we will die, but how we will live.” This perspective challenges us to examine whether our daily choices reflect the life we want to create. It’s not about perfection; it’s about intentionality.

Consider the value of connection. Someone who values connection might prioritize spending quality time with loved ones, even in the midst of a busy schedule. They might set aside their phone during dinner or make a point to call a friend they haven’t spoken to in a while. These small acts, though seemingly mundane, reflect a deeper commitment to living in alignment with what matters most.

Purpose emerges when we bridge the gap between what we value and what we do. This alignment doesn’t require sweeping life changes—it often starts with subtle shifts. By paying attention to how our actions reflect our principles, we can begin to cultivate a sense of purpose that feels authentic and enduring.

Finding Meaning in the Ordinary

One of the most transformative aspects of cultivating purpose is realizing that it doesn’t have to be grand or extraordinary. Much of life’s meaning is found in ordinary moments - the daily interactions, routines, and quiet acts of care that shape our days. Purpose is less about what we achieve and more about how we engage with the world around us.

Rollo May described this approach to life as “the daimonic,” a concept that invites us to bring passion and creativity into our everyday experiences. When we view the mundane through the lens of purpose, even routine tasks take on new significance. Cooking a meal, tending a garden, or helping a friend with a small favor becomes an expression of care and connection.

Meaning in the ordinary also emerges when we approach our roles with intention. A teacher who pours their passion into their lessons, a nurse who offers comforting words to a patient, or a parent who takes time to listen to their child’s thoughts - all are cultivating purpose through the everyday. 

Finding meaning in the ordinary doesn’t require dramatic changes or elaborate plans. It asks us to pause, to notice, and to engage with life as it unfolds. Purpose often reveals itself in these quiet moments, reminding us that the ordinary is anything but insignificant.

Connecting with Something Greater

While purpose often starts with self-reflection, it flourishes when we connect with something greater. This connection can take many forms—a relationship, a community, a cause, or even a sense of spirituality. It’s about recognizing that our lives are part of a larger whole and that our actions have the potential to contribute to something enduring.

Irvin Yalom referred to this as “transcendence,” the idea that meaning is found through connection and contribution. He suggested that cultivating purpose involves looking beyond immediate gratification and considering how our actions impact others. This doesn’t mean sacrificing personal fulfillment but rather integrating it with a broader perspective.

Consider someone who finds purpose in service. A volunteer at a food bank might see their efforts as a way to support their community, while a mentor might take pride in helping someone navigate challenges they’ve overcome themselves. These acts of giving create a sense of purpose by connecting the individual to a cause or mission beyond their immediate experience.

Spirituality is another pathway to connecting with something greater. For some, this might involve traditional religious practices; for others, it could mean finding solace in nature, meditation, or creative expression. These experiences remind us that we are part of an intricate web of existence, offering perspective and grounding in moments of uncertainty.

Rollo May believed that engaging with life’s challenges is essential to finding meaning. “Man’s task is to become conscious of the contents that press upward from the unconscious into awareness,” he wrote. This engagement requires us to confront life’s complexities and uncertainties, transforming them into opportunities for growth and connection.

Connecting with something greater doesn’t have to be monumental. It’s about recognizing the ripple effect of our actions and finding ways to contribute to the world around us. Whether through a kind word, a creative project, or a commitment to a cause, these acts remind us of our shared humanity and the enduring impact of a life lived with purpose.

Journal Exercise: Exploring and Cultivating Purpose

Take some time to reflect on what brings meaning to your life. Begin by asking yourself, “What are my core values? What principles guide the decisions I make?” Write these down, and consider how your daily actions align—or don’t align—with these values.

Next, think about the ordinary moments in your life. What small actions or routines already bring you a sense of purpose? How can you deepen your engagement with these moments to make them even more meaningful?

Finally, explore how you might connect with something greater. Who or what makes you feel part of something larger? How might you strengthen those bonds or seek new opportunities to contribute to a greater whole? Use these reflections as a starting point for cultivating purpose in your everyday life.

Citations

• May, R. (1981). Freedom and Destiny.
• Yalom, I. D. (1980). Existential Psychotherapy.
• May, R. (1975). The Courage to Create.
• Yalom, I. D. (1999). Momma and the Meaning of Life: Tales of Psychotherapy.
• May, R. (1969). Love and Will.

Suggested Reading

1. Man’s Search for Himself by Rollo May
• A profound exploration of finding identity and meaning in a modern world filled with challenges.
2. Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Terror of Death by Irvin D. Yalom
• Examines the role of mortality in shaping purpose and meaning.
3. The Gift of Therapy by Irvin D. Yalom
• A guide for both therapists and individuals on navigating the complexities of the human experience.
4. The Courage to Create by Rollo May
• Explores the intersection of creativity and meaning in everyday life.